The energy drink for when you’re a teenager and you can’t obtain real drugs

I finally tried one of those V Pocket Rocket things. This is essentially concentrated V without all that awkward carbonated sugar water. It comes in a handsome 60ml canister shaped like a shotgun cartridge (thank you military-industrial complex!) without enough health warnings for my liking. Still, it’s sold at the counter in most dairies, so that should weed out most idiots.

When it comes to my body, I’m not one of nature’s great gamblers, so when I swallowed the pleasant-tasting syrup I was vaguely apprehensive that my heart would explode, like that schoolgirl in Heretaunga. Sadly the only effect it had on me was a caffeine headache – even though it contains less caffeine than two cups of coffee. Sigh.

These energy shots represent a refinement of the whole energy drink fad, stripped of bulk and water with only active ingredients and hype remaining. They cost as much as 500mls of V without the hydration. There’s no benefit you gain from their consumption that couldn’t be more healthily obtained from, well, real food. Realistically, who needs them?

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