When reality defies satire

We’ve all seen the “You wouldn’t steal a CAR” anti-piracy ads at the beginning of DVDs*. They’re loud and obnoxious, and impossible to skip unless, ironically, you’re watching a pirated disc. I’ve trained myself to enjoy the IN YER FACE music, but that’s a necessity when you watch a lot of films.

These ads are primarily aimed at teenagers who’ve grown up without ever paying for a CD or DVD. I once had a young woman in my room under circumstances which I can’t clearly recall, but she complimented me on respecting copyright law by actually owning CDs. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that their purchase overwhelmingly predated my installation of a CD writer in my Mac.

Anyway, movie companies are waking up to the fact that people in their thirties also have a basic grasp of pirating technology… hence the new anti-piracy ad shown at the beginning of Fox discs. It goes with the time-tested ad saw of showing two competing scenarios, where is someone is watching a pirated disc while at the same time someone else is watching the same non-pirated disc in better lighting and with more attractive friends. When things are going badly, have you ever thought “Someone somewhere else is doing this exact same thing, but properly, in better lighting and with more attractive friends”?

Two groups have gathered to watch Die Hard 4. Because this an American anti-piracy ad from a Fox DVD, everyone is white and expensively dressed, even the deadbeat group. Ethnic diversity is only something you do at a Windows 7 House Party™. The guy who ponied up the dough for an original disk has an awesome DVD watching experience with his WASP friends… one of his women friends goes as far as to pat him appreciatively on the thigh at the hi-fidelity sound of the explosions, which is when you can tell this is basically science fiction. The party watching the pirated disc is annoyed by the poor image quality, high-pitched buzzing and unintelligible eastern-European subtitles! And they’re eating dingy pizza while the other group dines on canapes! The guy who bought the original disc and swelled the coffers of Fox gets a nice BJ afterwards from one of his women friends, while the pirated-disc guy sleeps alone on a damp mattress and cries into his pillow, wishing he’d never bought a disc from a Mexican on the street.

Sadly, I can’t find a YouTube link to this masterpiece. That would be piracy.

* Hilariously parodied in the second series of The IT Crowd.

4 Responses to “When reality defies satire”

  1. The problem is of course that I’ve never had an experience in any way matching that of the ‘pirated DVD’ group. I mean, yes, we do sit in the dark and eat dingy pizza, but that’s the way we like it. Dingy pizza with drab sauce is our favourite flavour!

  2. With an ennuishake and blahscream for desert.

  3. Every time I see those ads, I think “maybe I SHOULD steal a car?”

    My fave, though, is the one with the blacksmith with the red eyes looking all devil-y and then the words say “piracy funds terrorism.”

  4. I think it would be great if DVDs were forged instead of pressed.

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