Happy scripty goodness

Auckland needs the revised FB:L4G script for auditions this weekend, so I’ve just spent a happy 24 hours tweaking. The script is now six pages and 850 words shorter, with two new songs. Apparently many of the recalls are recent Toi Whakaari graduates, poor sausages.

The new scene below many read as utter bollocks, but the song is actually quite rousing:

Fitz is sitting behind the podium at the centre, flanked as usual by two of the Rabettes (Flopsy & Miffy) and Enderby. Banks and Brown are at either end, looking self-assured. Alex and Enderby watch from stage left.

FITZ: Well, isn’t this nice…
Mister Brown, come on down.
Mister Banks, join the ranks.
Both of you pull up a chair
Now, which of you wants to be mayor?

BROWN: I don’t understand…
BANKS: Why should we listen to you? You’re just a rabbit.

FITZ: I represent millions of votes
And all the power that denotes.
Without my share you don’t have a prayer,
So which of you wants to be mayor?

FITZ & RABETTES: Yes! Mayor, mayor, it’s great to be mayor!
Sitting around in a big leather chair!
Writing a bylaw in your underwear!
Everyone wants to be mayor!

BROWN: Well, if you put it that way…
BANKS: What’s the catch?

FITZ: Calicivirus disease
Infects us with poisonous fleas.
Liberate us from despair
And you’re probably going to be mayor.

FITZ & RABETTES: Yes! Mayor, mayor, it’s great to be mayor!
Sitting around in a big leather chair!
Writing a bylaw in your underwear!
Everyone wants to be mayor!

BROWN: You want us to ban rabbit calicivirus?
FITZ: You catch on fast, Len.
BANKS: But it’s already been banned!
FITZ: Doesn’t seem to have worked very well. People keep importing it. You never caught the farmers who released it in Cromwell. Or Hawkes Bay. (Significantly) Or that farm in Tauranga.

The two mayors look at each other.

BOTH: What farm in Tauranga?

Alex and Enderby wince. Fitz looks genuinely disappointed.

FITZ: I thought I could change things
I thought I could try
Rewriting the law so my people don’t die
Somehow I no longer care
Which of you wants to be mayor.

Fitz slumps, utterly miserable. Alex comforts her.

ALEX: Never mind, Fitz, you don’t need them! You could always stand for election yourself. (The bunnies perk up. Alex doesn’t notice.) Of course, you need to be a registered voter. (Fitz perks up further) And to live in the Auckland region. (Fitz perks up even further) And to be nominated by two other registered voters. (Fitz looks at Flopsy and then Miffy, who perk up as well) And a deposit. (Enderby pulls out a small fan of money. Alex finally realises what’s going on) I really wish I hadn’t said that.

FITZ: Mister Brown, please stand down.
Mister Banks, no thanks!
Don’t let the door hit your derriere.
It looks like I’m going to be mayor!
FITZ & RABETTES: Oh, mayor, mayor, it’s great to be mayor-
FLOPSY: Hello, Hare Mayor!
MIFFY: Haere mai, Hare Mayor!
FITZ & RABETTES: Brace yourselves for the first Super Hare Mayor!
Hey there!
Hey there, Hare Mayor!
Haere mai, Hare Mayor!
Hello, Super Mayor!

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