Boca Lupo & Teza

Not graphic novels, but energy drinks. I haven’t tried new ones in a while, but these called out to me. Boca Lupo is imported from Italy and has a wolf on the label, which is fair enough – after all, the Austrians have a Red Bull (which must irritate the Spanish) and there’s a long if not distinguished history of naming these things after animals – Piranha, Shark, Tiger, Red Rooster and Pimp Juice are enjoyed by masochists around the world.

Anyway, Boca Lupo comes in a neat 330ml metal bottle and contains 106mg of caffeine, which is higher per serving than the 80mg in 250mls of Red Bull, or 155mg in 500mls of V. Pleasantly it’s also 12% fruit juice, which is the dominant taste. The blurb on the back reads:

‘In bocca al lupo’ or ‘in the wolf’s mouth’ is Italian for good luck. Of course there are no guarantees you’ll get lucky after drinking Boca Lupo®, but if you do have an overwhelming desire to howl at the moon, relax – it’s working.

…which neatly equates lycanthropy with misogyny, despite tasting far less macho than the average energy drink.

Teza isn’t really an energy drink, but a New Zealand iced tea… the neurons must’ve been really been firing in Marketing when they came up with that name. It comes in a solid cylindrical glass bottle and is free of pulp, but the lid is applied in a such a way that even a graceful gazelle-like creature with the hands of an angel such as myself was unable to open the damned thing without getting sticky.

It’s fairly high in kilojoules (502 as compared to Boca Lupo’s 746 for a similar-sized serving) but contains less sugar. The blurb on the back is lengthy and tries rather too hard to be your friend, making up the names of mango varieties (“Doodah”) and advising you to “put a jumper on first” while consuming the chilled drink – in the fridge! Oh my, I just got that. Those cards! You see, you’re supposed to drink the tea chilled, but they’re suggesting you actually get into the fridge to drink it, and when you do so, you should wear a jumper! I LOL’d*, and then SMPWSU**.

A workshop team-leader sense of humour is forgivable, I suppose, considering it tastes quite nice.

*Laughed Out Loud.
**Shat My Pants While Sobbing Uncontrollably.

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