The drink for when you feel just a little bit superior

Steaz Iced Tea

Okay, so it’s Fair Trade certified, but it tastes piss weak, it’s imported from the USA (the air miles burn up most of its greenie credentials) and the label features a comely local lass picking tea leaves. I’d like to think that this is the company accountant dressed up for a lark, because there’s no way in hell this tea is hand-picked from a huge field in Ceylon by a solitary woman.

The ingredient list is slightly cagey: it’s a “premium brew” which is “simply made” using “filtered water” (one would hope so) and “pure mint flavor”, which could mean anything, couldn’t it? It’s “good for the mind, body and soul”, practically Buddhism in a can.

The other flavours come with pictures of different girls on the labels, you can collect your own set and assuage your natural Western guilt by basking in the smug glow of having improved the wretched lives of comely brown tea-pickers everywhere. It. Is. Just. A. Drink. And not a very nice one at that.

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