The energy drink for when you feel sporty even though you’re not actually sporty at all

Powerade Fuel+

We all love sport, don’t we? Even though it’s been a long time since I’ve noticed someone wearing full Nike or Adidas kit who had ever apparently exercised anything other than their right to purchase overpriced branded sports gear.

This caffeinated version of standard Powerade comes in a tall, slim can with complicated instructions on the back which tells you that although it’s intended for “high intensity sports and recreational activities” (I think that includes sport fucking) it’s “not intended to be consumed in high quantities for rehydration during such activities.” I wonder what happens, does your head explode like something out of Videodrome?

It recommends instead their Isotonic Sports Drink, which scores bonus points for including the word “tonic” where it has no technical justification, and for forcing me to use a sports metaphor.

So, what are you supposed to use it for? It’s best consumed “before sport or exercise”, which implies you’ll do better with 300mls of Berry Ice (and 96 mg of caffeine*) swilling around your rum-tum-tum. It doesn’t taste bad, but it’s nothing special, which is all I really have to say about it, so this review could’ve been a lot shorter.

* The same as a strong espresso, or about 3 Cokes, the flagship product of their parent company.

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