The drink you have when you feel like the most macho of girly-drinks

A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Soda

This product is sadly lacking in ad copy hyperbole. Where are the trace amounts of exotic ingredients that increase strength and sexual stamina and give you gills like Aquaman? The promises of superhuman powers and liquid awesomeness designed to give young teenage boys protoboners and make them swig 500ml cans of the stuff every day on their way home from school, undoubtedly deforming their pituitaries in ways which we shan’t discover for decades until it’s far too late and the human race becomes sterile?

Instead you’re left with a pleasant sweet-tasting soda in a curiously ’70s-looking can.

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