Archive for the A Good Whinge Category

It could be worse

Posted in A Good Whinge on August 9, 2011 by brunswick

Things could be worse. The builders are supposed to finish on Friday, my spoilt toddler princess flatmates move out on the 22nd, and we aren’t expected to cover their rent. Except the interior renovation starts on September 12th (22 days later) and my landlord says the builders will be working “day and night… from seven in the morning ’til eight at night if they have to”.

Oh… really? I think my uptight neighbours may have something to say about that. I tried to express to him, tactfully, the amount of strain this extended project is causing me. He replied “Well, they aren’t there all the time.” No, dear landlord, only when I’m trying to work, trying to sleep, trying to think and trying to get on with my life.

My landlord seems to think I might like living rent-free for two months while the house is being rebuilt around me. I like the first half of that proposition, the second half, not so much. It’ll be the same crew who have been working on the outside, who I’ve grown to dislike over the past ten weeks – they leave cigarette butts everywhere, they’ve twice tried to get into my (locked) room when they thought I was out, for no apparent reason, and they’re now rushing to finish the job and doing it poorly, removing the putty from the outside of my windows (it’s what keeps them in, you know) and painting the frames sloppily. Will they replace the putty before it rains? Who can tell? Plus, turpentine gives me a headache, they’ve set fire to the outside of the house twice, and Vietnamese pop music is bloody awful.

So, I’ve been put into an impossible and ludicrous situation, but luckily I have a month to extract myself.

Fraying of cartoonist’s sanity reflected in protagonist

Posted in A Good Whinge, Jitterati, Lovely pictures on August 8, 2011 by brunswick

Drawn under intolerable working conditions, but quite a good episode. If they were just painting, it would be fine. Instead, after ten weeks, they’re still scraping and hammering. It’s like living inside a siege tower during a battle. The smell of scorched paint is nauseating. I’m trying to be creative while burning essential oils and wearing noise-cancelling earbuds turned right up. FML.

Two flatmates have announced they’re moving out on the 22nd… two weeks notice. They’ve called the landlady and everything’s fine. Oh really? Impossible to fill that room under the circumstances, damned if we’re going to stay here while Noah’s Ark is being constructed around us. On the positive side, I’m now rid of the third and fourth worst flatmates I’ve had in my entire life.

Other people are useless and annoying and other surprising revelations

Posted in A Good Whinge, Bloody brilliant observations on August 3, 2011 by brunswick

I was supposed to finish a 16-page booklet today, except my computer briefly went bung. I was supposed to receive the material for it last week, but in the end I was left with only eight hours (overnight) to put the thing together, so it’s probably for the best that I wasn’t able to continue. I’m sorry to not complete a project, but on the other hand the circumstances could have been better.

I talked to our landlady, and apparently the house sale has fallen through, which means we can stay. Aha, but:

The planned interior renovation is still going ahead. The exterior renovation has been a nightmare for the past two months, which is how long it’s taken to paint a medium size-house and replace a few boards. So she really wants us to stay so she’s receiving income during construction.

It’ll still be put on the market after the renovation. So much for living security.

It’ll look nice, but it’ll still be bloody cold. There’s no plans to put in basic insulation, plus we lose our laundry, a lavatory and all our storage space for the sake of a sodding deck.

I seriously need to get the hell out of this place before I kill someone. If you had to empty the lint filter, wipe down the kitchen before use, re-wash gunk-encrusted and supposedly clean pots, open windows post-shower, hang up the bathroom mat, re-pack the dishwasher, put down the toilet seat, mop-up midnight puddles of wee and close drafty doors every day for four months you may feel the same way.

Unless you have a toddler, in which case you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

I don’t have a toddler.

Flat hunting and the Big Lie

Posted in A Good Whinge on July 31, 2011 by brunswick

Every flat advert contains a Big Lie. Sometimes this is obvious just from the photos, unless every estate agent really does live in a fisheyed-lens world with over-saturated colours. Possibly the same world John Key and Miffy Bunny live in.

Sometimes it’s less obvious, like the property advertised as a freestanding house which turns out to have an unexpected bottom flat (complete with “quiet Asian couple”, as if there was any other kind), the property advertised as a freestanding house which turns out to BE an unexpected bottom flat (featuring in only three of seven photos, the rest of which are of the much nicer top property), or the single bedroom which “you can fit a queen-sized bed in!” – yes, but only if you don’t want to be able to open the door or the closet. Or the “studio” which turns out to be a dank converted basement with a tiny window and pipes running along the ceiling, and an affable occupant who assures you it’s okay if you “run this baby all the time” (patting a large dehumidifier).

This widespread fibbage demonstrates either a lack of integrity issued at the same time as the keys to an investment property, or a lack of confidence that the property will shift on its actual merits, although thanks to Christchurch and the RWC, a landlord doesn’t have to try very hard – a hole in the ground lined with a tarpaulin would sell, provided it afforded “unique ground-level views” and the tarp was a nice colour.

This is an environment owned and run by nice middle-class white couples, who do just as fine a job wrenching around with people’s lives and rights as they have every other thing, from TV One to large-print mystery novels.

Awful Flatmates

Posted in A Good Whinge, Lovely pictures on July 8, 2011 by brunswick

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This is for Bristle #10.

Where’s Jitterati?

Posted in A Good Whinge, Jitterati, Lovely pictures on July 6, 2011 by brunswick

Yes, yes, I don’t know where the bloody thing got to this week either. That’s 3 episodes out of 25 so far this year they haven’t printed, and I don’t know why. And yes, it does seem a bit futile when I spend all of Monday on it and it doesn’t appear. Still, never mind – you get to read it!

Pluses and minuses

Posted in A Good Whinge, Deep Thought on July 1, 2011 by brunswick

Things I’m going to miss about this flat:

Looking out the laundry window anytime at night and being able to see the green traffic light all the way over on Chaytor St.
Having an entire room just for sleeping in.
The absolute quiet in the evening.

Things I’m not going to miss about this flat:

A winter room temperature of 7 degrees.
Running the dishwasher at eight in the morning for me and my flatmates, and having to empty it myself 16 hours later.
Flatmates who think housework is beneath them because they go to university.

Innocent recycling stupidity

Posted in A Good Whinge on June 21, 2011 by brunswick

Bless! My flatmates are trying a bit harder since last week’s snippy note – I no longer have to clean the kitchen before I use it, every single time.

I was impressed to see that they’d heroically put out tomorrow’s recycling, but a nagging doubt led me to check*. Half an hour later I’d retrieved the dozen plastic shopping bags they’d left lying in the street, squashed them and put them out again in a recycling bag, so the council wouldn’t leave them behind tomorrow morning with a ‘UR A DUMBASS’** sticker.

More than a month into the new recycling scheme, it would charitable to ascribe this to innocent stupidity, rather than the more sinister (and common male) strategy of performing a dull chore so incompetently that one is never asked to do it again.

(UPDATE: I thanked my flatmate for just putting out the recycling, and they thought I was being sarcastic. What have I become?)

* It’s behaviour like this that made Brainy Smurf so popular.
** Not the easier spelling ‘UR A DUMAS’, unless you were addressing the author of The Count of Monte Cristo.

More flatting larks

Posted in A Good Whinge on June 19, 2011 by brunswick

I called my landlady to confirm some details of our future evacuation, and discovered that the sale may have fallen through owing to the buyer not having any money. What’s wrong with the property-owning classes? Why are they so incompetent at selling their shit to each other?

I also found out that our flat’s ladder wasn’t taken by builders, it was removed by our landlady from our laundry without our knowledge or permission… which is completely illegal, but I don’t really care anymore. I’m outta here.

This actually simplifies my life

Posted in A Good Whinge on June 16, 2011 by brunswick

Well, I got home today to find a gaudily-wrapped bottle of wine on the kitchen bench and a letter on the noticeboard which informs us we have until the day before my birthday (and the day after the Rugby World Cup starts in Wellington, funnily enough) to get the hell out.

Apparently they’ve found a sucker who wants to buy the house and gut the interior, so at least we won’t be subjected to that ridiculous scenario where we move out for the whole of August while the flat is renovated. There’s no way we’ll be able to find a place in September, so it seems best to start looking now. It’s my ambition to establish a superflat with Anita filled only with people we know and trust. We’ve both had enough of dropkicks, putzes, louts, leeches, dinks, mooks, slobs, princesses and grotesque pig-like flatmates.

Now all I have to do is get hold of a heck of a lot of cardboard boxes.